Remember
by endless.conflict
Summary: I never wanted to duel him.. I never wanted to prove anything. And I knew as Atem walked through the Egyptian gates, into the pure light, I'd never see him again.. If I really am that strong, if I really am a 'winner'.. Why does it feel like I'm losing?
1. Reoccuring Departure

You know, there were a lot of things I didn't understand

You know, there were a lot of things I didn't understand. And until today there are still things that I don't know... Some, I won't ever get to know. One of those things is the Ph-- Atem. It was this very day last year that Atem said 'Goodbye'... But, for me... I didn't even know him. I feel like I was just starting to understand him-- He was just starting to understand himself! And then the next thing you know, he's gone. What's bad is that it was me who had to send him away...

I never wanted to duel him. I never wanted to prove anything. All I wanted was to keep my friend... But, what's worse is that when Atem and everyone else said goodbye... I was the only one who wasn't ready. I was the only one who felt... Alone. I never bothered to tell anyone. What would it matter? They wouldn't know how to put themselves in my shoes... To share a body with someone who's been there through everything. For someone who was the strong part of my mind, decisions, actions... The armor. Someone who never left my side, literally... Someone who was a part of me. And then to have them taken away from me - It's lonely. So lonely.

I'll never be myself again, because Atem had become a part of me. He filled in the qualities that I lacked... And no matter how many times he told me that I had won because I learned from him the things I needed... I only feel like he was lying to assure me everything was okay. But - I know. His smile was sad. And as I watched him walk away through the Egyptian gates, walk into the pure light... I'd never see him again. In fact, I can never go back. His tomb - Destroyed. "The ending of one adventure can also be the beginning of a new one", I said. But, this was an adventure far different. If I had learned everything Atem had... Why am I so depressed? If I really am that strong, if I really am a 'winner'... Why does it feel like I'm losing?

"Yuugi, the food's ready! Come down before it get's cold." Grandpa was at my bedroom door, holding the knob while sticking his head inside. He didn't know how I felt, either. No one did. When I looked to him, I smiled and rolled off my bed. "Okay, grandpa. I'm coming!" I chirped, walking over to the door as he had already made his way to the kitchen, again. The store had already closed due to the day moving by so slowly... And since the house was connected to the Game Shop, it wouldn't be too difficult to re-open whenever necessary. After I made it downstairs and to the back, the smell of the food had already filled the room. It gave the place a warm, homey feeling... But feelings like this didn't last but so long.

On the table was a side dish of white rice, a main dish of Yakizakana, and miso soup. Grandpa was already sitting at his end of the table, obviously waiting for me to join him. I walked over and sat down, hands in front of me, eyes scanning the table. "Wow, this looks great, Grandpa!" I complimented, and then looked to him. Grandpa had a glint in his eye and gave an old steady laugh. "Ha-ha, your Grandpa's one of the best cook's in Domino!" This, I thought, wasn't that much of a lie. His food always was a treat, and sometimes I felt bad for making him cook all the time. When had I stopped cooking in the first place? As everything, it seemed like my memory was slipping away...

Silently, I picked up my chopsticks, sampling some of the white rice politely. I tried to avoid any eye contact with the man, but it felt like his violet eyes were staring me down, seeing through every emotion I was hiding. Without looking directly at him, I forced a light smile, but somehow I think it failed, because he spoke in that concerned tone. "Yuugi..." I pretended not to hear. He cleared his throat, and set his chopsticks on the table lightly. "Yuugi." I knew I couldn't avoid it much longer, so I looked up. And after that, I couldn't move. It was as if his gaze locked me where I was. I could already feel my stomache tightening. "Yeah, Grandpa?" I asked, after who knows how long. It took a lot out of me to say that when I knew the issue was about me.

"You haven't been like yourself these past few days..." His gray brows rose questionably, still looking to me. My body shifted uncomfortably as I sat my chopsticks down. What could I say? The truth was I hadn't been myself for an entire year, but with Atem leaving on this day... I couldn't hide my feelings as much for these past two weeks. "Oh, it's nothing. It's just school, and all." Then, I let out that small nervous laugh. He'd go for it, he had to. "That reminds me... I have homework I didn't finish!" That's how it always was... One lie after the other; I was living in some of them. With swiftness, I stood from my seat and turned away. "I'm sorry I have to leave dinner this time... I'll eat with you tomorrow, okay?" Without even waiting for a response, I was more than half-way up the stairs.

For a moment, I stopped when I reached my door and listened. I heard him sigh, and then mumble to himself. "This isn't like my Grandson..." I heard, with a sad voice of his. Solemnly, I entered my room and closed the door. The sun was already setting, and my room had the tint of orange from outside, everything silent and still. My attention glanced to the table where I remembered sitting. I don't think I could remember exactly when, but maybe three or four years ago I sat in that chair at that table and solved the Millennium Puzzle. I remember I sat in that chair and lit up the same way it had, making one hopeful wish. I knew quite well what that wish was... I'll never forget it. And I admit, I did get it. But, maybe I should've wished for something different... No, what was I saying? I'm glad I could have friends like Jonouchi, Honda, and Anzu... Even the others, like Ryou, Otogi, and even Kaiba... It was just that something else that was missing.

Something like--"Yuugi?" My thoughts were interrupted. Grandpa was there. My alarm rose. How long had he been standing there? Was I talking out loud? I turned around quickly, purple hues looking at his frantically. "Uh... What is it? Is everything okay..?" I tried to sound helpful, but could already tell by the disappointed look in his face that he knew I had been lying the whole time. And now with being caught, what excuse did I have now?

"I know when my Grandson is lying to me." How I to know how much drama was would follow?


	2. Breaking

You know, there were a lot of things I didn't understand

My eyes trembled slightly, everything already seeming to go downward. "Wh-what...? What are you talking about, Grandpa? I'm n--" He cut me off. "Do you really think you can lie to me? Yuugi, I've been your Guardian for who knows how long! I know something's bothering you, maybe you should tell me what it is--" Then, it was my turn. "Well, Maybe... You should just forget it!" My words turned themselves into shouts. Shouts that even **I** was surprised with. I've never yelled at Grandpa before, and now that I did, it felt like I had lost even more than before. "But, Yuugi..." I could hear the plead in his voice, and also the rising sternness. But, who could I blame? I was being disrespectful... And for what? "Look, I'm just saying that you should just leave me alone!" And then... His face turned into a frown as he stepped closer. My eyes moved with his movement, heart racing faster. I tried to put on my best intimidating face, although I was the one intimidated underneath that front. Both violet eyes stared up, brow trembling to keep a frown. And as if I couldn't make things worse, I said "I don't need you, Grandpa... I can take care of myself." There was a long silence, an awkward silence that followed, giving me enough time to have my own voice replaying over and over in my head. It was sickening, scary. My stomach dropped, and Grandpa still didn't say anything. Somewhere inside me I wished that he would scold me, or ground me...

It was too late by the time he striked. Before I could react, his sturdy hand had planted itself across my face. I stumbled back. My eyes were beady and glossy, and they struggled to stare down the man before me. They stared at the eyes who watched me grow, the eyes that watched me through my toughest times, the eyes that edited my dueling to make me who I am today... His eyes stared for a long time. And it burned. The impact hadn't hurt as much, but it hurt enough for me to realize how much of an idiot I had become.

He looked furious, and at the same time weak. If I knew anyone, I knew my Grandpa was really strong... But he was also old. Old, but trying for me. And what did I do? I told him I didn't need him. It didn't take long before he walked out of my room, and it didn't take long until I silently walked over to the edge of my bed. My back was facing the door, and my eyes were to the blue carpeting of my room, between my bed and the window. From that moment on, I stared... I stared through the glass as if with enough concentration, I could melt it. And when the window melted, I'd melt the scenery of outside into a void of nothingness where I could just close my eyes and become forgotten. So everything could become forgotten. These thoughts were silly, though. So instead of burning my eyes with impossible wishing, I lowered my eyes back to the floor, staring at my feet. Everything that just occurred had replayed in my head. Everything was just falling apart. Everything I said was a new lie, everyone I care about, I avoided. _I__ don't need you, Grandpa... I can take care of myself."_ I had said. That was a bold face lie. If that were the case, why would I be sulking over something that happened a year ago? In fact, Grandpa was the only one I had... And now he was gone. He **was** living with me... But I was living in a completely different place, far, far away. With no one to bring me back--_**'Riiiiiiiiing! Riiiiiiiiiiiiing!'**_ I jumped when the phone rang. Whoever it was, I wasn't going to answer; the mood to talk was anywhere but close. For now, I'd let it ring, they'd call back if it was important.

I felt as if I had lost everything that night. _Atem is gone... And now Grandpa. So, who do I have now?_ The tears started falling down my face one after the other. They started falling faster and faster until I had to hold my face to try to catch them all. Later on, it led to sobbing because I soon realized that it was impossible... It was impossible to take control. I was crying, sobbing like a child. There was nothing strong about me... _Nothing._ If Atem were here, he wouldn't be crying. In fact, I've never seen him cry. He's everything I'm not, and everything I don't have.

Why was I thinking about Atem, though? Grandpa should be the one to worry about... Being selfish, that's not like Atem either. Life was so easy when I had someone there to comfort me. But where do people turn when there's nowhere to go--No one to talk to? Where do they go? _Maybe to sleep_, I sighed, wiping idly at my moist eyes. Laying down and sinking into my bed, I figured they would go away. I was wrong though, because all night the tears kept falling. "I'm sorry, Grandpa…"


	3. New Day

"Hey, Yuug'

"Hey, Yuug'! Yuug', wake up, will ya?" That voice woke me up from my unknown slumber. I let out a groan, mumbling from under my covers. I felt sick, I felt a mess. "Nhg..." The footsteps on the carpet sounded louder as they got closer, and before I could peek from the covers–"DOG PIIILE!" A gust of air escaped my lungs as I tried to sit up. It didn't take long before I was fully awake to know who it was. It had to be Jonouchi. It was always like him to do silly antics that always seemed to get to you. I couldn't help but laugh a little. Poking my head out, I looked to him. By now, he was sitting up on the edge of the bed, black beady eyes looking down on me. He had his well-known grin plastered on his face, a thumb mischievously skidding across his nose. "Talk about bein' a bed head." I blinked as I sat up. Oh, my hair. I gave a playful glare at him as he snickered behind a hand. Sliding from under the covers, I stepped onto the rug, moving towards my closet. "You surprised me, Jonouchi." I went deeper into the closet to pull out my same-everyday-outfit, and then turned to look at him. He pressed a palm behind him onto the mattress to hold up his weight and then raised his free hand to scratch his scalp. "Eh, well, Anzu called me yesterday sayin' as how you didn't answer ya' phone last night. I jus' decided to come by an' see if things we're a'right."

"Oh!" Ah, so Anzu called. It was only once in a while she had a chance to call over seas. A few months ago Anzu had left to America New York City in our High schools study abroad program to fulfill her career in ballet dancing. It was always like Anzu to worry so easily. In fact, it was a good idea I didn't answer the phone. Things probably would've gotten worse, and the fact that she kind of likes me wouldn't have helped. It's not like I want to be mean, but I see Anzu as my childhood friend. "So, how come you didn't answer?" Jou finally added. "Oh... Uh." That's right; I still didn't give an excuse. "I must've been asleep when she called..." I said, rubbing at the back of my head. How long would I keep lying to him? "No problem." Jou stood, hands shoved deep into his pockets. He never questioned me. That was one of the things that made us such good friends. But, I wasn't much of a good friend... Even he didn't know about my problem. I wondered if he remembered yesterday was_ that_ day.

"Hey, you know yesterday was–"Huh? "So, wanna go to the Burger Joint today, Yuug'?" I didn't feel like bringing my sentence back out. My voice was always over heard by, all thanks to my soft spoken voice. Another trait Atem had that I lacked... "Uh... Sure, I guess." Quickly, I stepped into my pants, fastened them and then plopped on the bed. From there, I pulled on my socks and slipped on my sneakers. Next was my shirt which I forcefully tugged over my full head of hair. I patted it down and put on my accessories. They usually consisted of the studded bracelets and chains. And then, I stopped. "…" A hand was hovering at my chest, eyes staring at my full length mirror. My neck felt empty. There was no Millennium Puzzle to put on... I glanced down momentarily and headed to my door. "I'm going to fix my hair in the bathroom, be right back!" "A'right. Make it quick, I'm starvin'!" The blonde frowned, rubbing at his stomach desperately. I smiled and headed into the bathroom. After locking the door behind me, I stared into the mirror, hands placed hard on the sink edges.

"Sigh... Every time I look at myself, I don't recognize anything..." I stood straight, hands hanging to my sides. Then, slowly I got the gel and pushed my hair up and in its rightful place. It didn't take that long since I've had this hair style for a long time. That's one thing that hasn't changed. As a matter of fact... A lot of things hadn't changed. My eyes glanced down into the sink, thoughts overwhelming me again. "No matter how much it hurts that Atem left, the world keeps spinning... It's not... Fair." Moisture dropped silently into the sink, and I raised my hand to wipe at my eyes. _**'Knock Knock'**_ The door? "Hey... Eh, you okay in there?" Ah, that's right. I forgot Jou was here. "Uh... Yeah. I'll be out in a sec!" I called back, trying to sound as casual as I could. Moving fast, I tossed the gel back under the sink and unlocked the door. When I stepped out, Jou was standing there with a hand impatiently on his hip. "It's about time..." He complained. We made our way downstairs and to the front door of the Game Shop. Secretly, my eyes scanned for a sign of Grandpa, but he was nowhere in sight. The front door gave a small jingle when I pushed it open, and when I stepped outside, a passing wind made its way across my face. I made sure Jonouchi was behind me, and then we made our way down the block. It was going to be a long afternoon.


	4. Ill Struck

"Hey, Yuug'

We walked as if the day were casual, half-mindedly paying attention to our surroundings, simply talking about things that probably wouldn't matter in the future. I can't complain, though. There wasn't really much of anything to say these days... Although, I was content with the fact that Jonouchi seemed to be having a decent life. In fact, everyone else's lives seemed to be normal. I wonder why mine turned out to be so different..? When I glanced over to Jou, he looked eager to speak. Or maybe he was waiting for my reply - I wasn't paying attention, so he could've said something, right? "So..." I said unsurely, looking up at him. His hands were in his pockets, blinking as he looked down to me. "So, I ran into Mai the other day..." His tone was casual, but I knew he was actually pretty excited. Everyone knew he liked her. Even Mai seemed to respond to him the same way. "Oh, yeah?" I said seeming surprised, yet casual too. Following along with his nonchalant act would be interesting, especially if he came to the point that he just couldn't hide his feelings. I looked at my feet, wondering if I would end up spilling everything in the long run... I frowned to myself. "What'sa matter?" Jou asked hesitantly. Straightening my face, I shook my head. "Oh, it's nothing. So, how is she?" I took the subject off of me. It was awkward, especially around this time... Thank goodness he shrugged it off. I don't know what my excuse would be. Thumbing his nose, the ranting began. "She's doin' good. I heard she got a place not too far from Domino." When he smiled, I couldn't help but find it was contagious. Jou was such a goofball. From the looks of things, I could tell his perverted thoughts were surfacing. "I'll uh... Stop by sometime and check it out." I quirked a brow, huffing a short laugh. "What... The place or her?" I shook my head to myself, watching him tint a light pink across his nose. They needed to get married already.

"Time ta' chow down!" He changed the subject obviously, food fully on the mind. But then again, wasn't it always like that? For the hell of it, I tried to draw an imaginary chart on Jou's forehead, labeling one side - 'Mai', and the other side - 'Food'. It kept me occupied once we went inside the restaurant and sat on the cushioned table seats. While Jou scanned the list Even though he always picked the same thing..., I folded my arms on the table and slouched lazily, looking around. There were several other people here, but not as I would have expected. Maybe they were still sleeping... What time was it? I turned to look at the clock on the wall. It was broken. "Hey, what time is it?" "I'll have uh... The triple cheeseburger with extra toppings, fries, and a large milkshake." I almost mumbled a 'What?', but it occurred to me that my voice was overheard. Hey, if his brain was programmed for Mai, and Food, where did I go? I'd have to remap everything later, it seemed. "So, what're you gettin'?" He asked, spinning the chair in my direction. "Well... I'm not really hungry. I'll just sit." My eyes flickered in front of me, fingers rotating on the counter in random order. "Eh... If you say so..." He sounded cautious, and I knew he sensed something wrong. Hopefully, he'd shrug it off, I thought.

When the food came, Jou chomped down on his meal like he always did, and I found myself dazing out the window. Nothing interesting was happening outside, except the few leaves that tumbled across the sidewalk from the wind. From the distance, I could see the dark of night tainting its way across the sky, and somehow it reminded me of myself. Or maybe I was the one tainting people? This triggered my thoughts to something important - Grandpa. It wasn't bothering me a while ago, and yet at the same time it did. My conscious nagged at the back of my head, causing slight irritation; like a toothache that refused to go away. Things I never really thought about before suddenly came to mind. Things like... What Grandpa was doing now, how he felt, what he liked to do...? Actually, I've never seen him actually go out with friends. Did he have any? I know he's told me about friends when he was an archeologist... But, maybe they already passed away, or something. Now all he does is keep a Game Shop, and take care of me... Keep a Game Shop... I frowned to myself bewildered. The shop wasn't open today. "The shop wasn't open today..?" I muttered, averting my eyes to the floor tilings. That seemed a bit odd. "Ah! That was good. I'm all full now." Jou exclaimed satisfied. "Huh?" I blinked, sitting straight and looking to him. For a moment I forgot where I was. "I said I'm full. We can go." He put the cash on the counter, and headed towards the door, holding it open for me. "Alright." I said, jumping down from my seat The ways of being so short... Now we were unbalanced. He felt full, while I on the other hand, felt empty. I admit I wasn't hungry, but there was a feeling at the pit of my stomach that made me feel like crap.

"Alright, I'll see you later, Yuug'!" I waved to him as he headed down the street towards his house. I walked quietly to the Game Shop - The lights were out. The store wasn't open all day..? I found myself running, and grabbed for the door. To my surprise, it was open. I imagined the worst. Stumbling inside, I left the lights out, tip-toeing my way to the back room. Cracking it open, I peeked in, stammering with my words. "G-Grand...pa..?" No response. My heart began pumping hard against my chest, and soon I couldn't control my breathing. What happened to Grandpa, and where did he go? Did someone kidnap him? That pit feeling in my stomach tore at my skin, until a shaky hand raised to flick on the light. Violet hues widened, my body taking a shock. "..Grandpa!" I ran into the room and dropped to my knees at his bed. To see my Grandpa so pale and lifeless made me become guilty. I lowered my head, moisture hanging for dear life on my lids. Digits tugged at the rug until I shut my eyes tight, the tears dropping, and leaving warm spots in the material. I stopped when I heard something. "Yuugi..." Shooting up, I realized I was on my feet, leaning over the bed. "Grandpa!?" He groaned, sweat trickling down his forehead. "I'll...I'll go call the ambulance!" It took extra effort to reach the phone, or even find it due to my now blurry vision. What would happen now? I dived for the phone, hanging on the wall just like it did. I eagerly pressed the buttons, growing anxious with each ring. When someone answered, I was hysterical. "I need an ambulance right away! My Grandpa is sick!" The receptionist on the line tried to keep me calm, but I only had the sudden urge to curse her out... I didn't though. I'd regret it later, I knew. After giving her the address, I hung up and went back to Grandpa's aid. There wasn't a moment I could sit still, fidgeting with my hands and looking down. Words of apology were clogging the back of my throat, immobilizing me from speaking. The sirens up ahead could be heard.


	5. Regaining Relationship

After a week passed, Grandpa started to recover from what doctors said, was pneumonia

After a week passed, Grandpa started to recover from what doctors said, was pneumonia. How he could catch something like that was beyond me, but later on the doctors explained that sicknesses such as pneumonia could go undetected in the seemingly nice weather that Domino City was facing. I sighed to myself as I sat next to his hospital bed, a forearm resting next to the pillow. My drooped violet pupils gazed wearily over to my Grandpa who seemed to be getting better, regardless of the tube coming from his mouth. Despite this, he offered a kind, gentle smile, but I couldn't tell if it was weak, or simply gentle. To ask him how he was doing seemed to have made me nervous inside, as if I had been the one to cause his illness, even though that would be nearly impossible. Everything was just at the wrong timing, right? Getting sick after the argument... They had nothing to do with each other. For the entire visit, I repeated that to myself, but the more I said it, the less I believed it.

"So, Yuugi..." This took me by surprise. I had never expected him to speak to me, not that he couldn't, but--After the tension between us... "How are things at the shop? There's no crazy kids loitering around, is there?" His tone was slightly serious, but there was a hint of a jokingly ice-breaker that eased my conscious. "Oh, no... Don't worry about that, Grandpa. There's no trouble. Jonouchi's keeping an eye out for it while I'm here." I gave a nod, forcing a barely noticeable smile. Afterwards, there was a short pause of silence in which I felt his hand over my own. Slowly glancing up, I stared at him, waiting for the words he hesitated to say. My heart became a little uneasy. "I know... You didn't mean it," The elder had said, holding a position of wisdom that literally felt as if there had been some sort of aura surrounding him. _"I don't need you!"_ I remained quiet. "Please don't burden yourself with my health. You're not to be held responsible." When the moisture started glossing my eyes, I looked to my lap. "..Believe in me, Yuugi. It's not your fault--I'll pull through, your Grandpa's hip after all!" With a deep chuckle, he sat up slightly, but abruptly got interrupted with a fit of coughing.

Alarm rising, I shot up from my uncomfortable plastic seat, other hand moving to press over his. "...! Grandpa!" Settling slowly back into his pillow, he gave a nervous laugh. "I'm fine, I'm fine." And then gave my hand a pat, after I had returned the other one to its previous position and took my seat again. Unfortunately, the nurse invaded our time together and informed me that I had to leave, due to the ending of visiting hours. As I stood, I took a few steps on the blandly white floor tiles and looked down at my reflection--Getting side-tracked and wondering how much wax the hospital actually used to clean the floors, until Grandpa called out softly, yet audible to me as I was exiting his room. "I know everything is in good hands with you. You make me proud. Keep it up, Yuugi." I responded with an "O...Okay, Grandpa." And soon made my way out of the hospital, I wondered exactly what his words meant. In the end, I tried looking at things on the bright side, seeing as how my relationship with Grandpa was patched up. So, soon enough, life itself would get better, or so I had forced myself to believe.


End file.
